Something Greater Than Falling In Love
by Wrath of Athena
Summary: What can be greater than falling in love? Mikan realizes how much the person she has fallen in love with truly means to her as she faces the worst trial in life...saying goodbye to him. NatsumexMikan oneshot.


_What can be greater than falling in love? Mikan realizes how much the person she has fallen in love with truly means to her as she faces the worst trial in her life…saying goodbye to him. NatsumexMikan angst, one-shot. Don't worry, they end up together in the end. XP_

**Disclaimer: Gakuen Alice is not mine. **

**Author's Notes: **This is the result of the after-effects of seeing a fortune-teller, wallowing in gore, and continuous listening to gloomy love songs. I've been feeling really disturbed lately. I need to let it out somehow. (sweatdrop) Please don't kill me. I'm too young to die. Read on! Ehe…

First Person Point of View---Mikan.

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**Something Greater Than Falling In Love**

Genre: Romance/Drama/Angst

Written By: WizdomGoddess

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Where are you now?

Are you also thinking of me, Natsume?

I sure hope not, because I'm trying my hardest not to think of you.

It just brings back horrible memories that I wish never have happened! You've always been mean to me but what you did has gone far enough. God, you're the most unpredictable person that walked the earth. I will never forget that time when you bullied me in school. You even tried burning me and my friends alive! What kind of welcome was that? I got traumatized by you.

Moreover, you don't know how much you've hurt me whenever you tease me in front of everyone. Remember those times when you told me I am such a stupid-head? And all those other names I dare not mention?

You even rub it to my face that I wear such babyish panties. So what if I like polka-dots better than flowers huh? What's it to you? When I try to talk to you, sometimes you shrug me off like I'm some kind of pest. Don't you know how much that degrades me? I don't mind sometimes but I have a self-esteem too you know! I can't live on forever trying to understand you.

Sometimes, I hate you so much. These are only some of the reasons why I'd rather not think about you.

But here I am, thinking of nobody else but you.

How do you do it? How do you make me feel better whenever I confide in you? Do you remember those times when we sat under that tree in the academy? You looked so cute reading your manga all alone there. I must have disturbed you but you were too much of a loner back then. You can't blame me when I'm still new to the concept. Even if I did know, I still wouldn't stop following you. I just can't leave you alone. Yes, because I saw right through your hostile, unfriendly front. I learned to see and appreciate the real you---the kind, caring, and understanding Natsume Hyuuga.

It made me so happy whenever we get to talk to each other. You always seem to wash all my troubles away in an instant whenever I'm with you. You always managed to cheer me up during times when I needed someone to be by my side. You were there.

You were _always_ there for me. Why? Why did you make me feel so special?

I realized something, Natsume.

This was your rotten ploy to lure me into your grasp and seek revenge on me---yeah, that's probably it. And you succeeded. Are you happy now? I should have known better than to give my complete trust to you. Everybody was suspicious when you started acting so gentle towards me---I was just too dense to notice it back then. Everybody knew how you felt towards me except me. And you know what? I fell into your trap. As we grew closer, my heart always beat faster. It occurred to me then that I have fallen in love with you.

How did you do it?

How could you toy with my heart just like that? When you told me you loved me, don't you know how happy I was when I heard that? I remember your stern features turn soft---oh, and that smile! The smile you showed me was worth every challenge we've been through. Don't you know how handsome you look when you smile? My heart leapt with so much joy when I saw the happiness that swept over your face. Falling in love is such a good feeling, don't you think so too?

I felt I could never be happy as I was that day. Who wouldn't? The person I loved felt the same way as I did. I know that you understand.

Everybody knew we got together when they saw how much you've changed---even I noticed it. I cherished those times when we just stood in the middle of nowhere and held hands. I could still feel your warmth every time you lean against me; I could still feel that overwhelming security whenever I'm in your embrace. You do remember our first kiss, right?

It was a beautiful day as the clouds seemed to hover forever across the azure blue canvas around us. Did you notice how much the flowers have bloomed that day? I'm sure you didn't, but you must have noticed the way I played with the butterflies fluttering around looking for pollen to graze across the meadow.

Then you caught up with me, pulled me closer, and whispered to me how important I was to you.

That's when you kissed me.

The sensations that ran all over my body could barely keep me upright. You kissed me so passionately---although it was just our first. You've always been straight-forward with me…and I loved it.

It was the first time I felt so united with somebody else---you made me complete. You promised me we'll live together someday. You just had to take care of some matters. But I should have known better. You're a liar!

You're a liar…damn, here I go again, crying my eyes out because of you.

I hate you! How could you do this to me?

Why did you have to ruin everything? You broke your promise. I was worried sick when you suddenly disappeared that foggy night. I ran so fast despite the stupid mud that kept on getting stuck under my boots. I even decided to leave it just so I could find you. And what did I see?

I was shocked when I saw you there, lying lifeless in the ground surrounded by your own blood.

What happened to you? Why did you let your enemies get to you? As I held you there sobbing my heart out, you cupped my face so gently…with your hands trickling with blood.

Do you remember now? I hugged you then, cradled you in my arms despite the mess.

I didn't care---I just wanted you to stay alive!

And what did you say to me?

You told me that this was why you didn't want me to see the darkness that surrounded you. You knew sooner or later they would get you. You wanted to protect me…you idiot!

How could you protect me when you're the one hurting me so much---seeing you in such pain? Why didn't you protect yourself? Didn't you know how important you were to me?

You idiot…

I didn't want to lose you, Natsume---as much as you didn't want to lose me. I thought you understood, but I should have known better. I remember you mouthed an "I'll always love you" as your eyes began to grow weary. Oh god, how I wished so hard that you would open them!

But you never did.

Natsume, why did you slip away from me that night?

Why! Even now, I still don't understand…

Why did you have to leave me all alone? I shed so many tears for you. Ruka and Hotaru had to restrain me from jumping inside the blazing fire to join you when you were cremated. Didn't you hear me screaming your name? I could never look at those stupid clouds, butterflies and flowers where we used to spend our time together the same way again---not without you. They bring back too much horrible memories!

I hate you! Don't you know how much I cried because of you? Don't you know how many nightmares I had to go through when you died? Why did I have to fall in love with you!

But then I realized something again, Natsume.

They say time heals all wounds…and I guess the saying is true. I realized that I wasn't in love with you after all. My friends thought I was being weird again. They could never understand the peace I've acquired as I watched my life pass by. I realized that my feelings back then were immature. I turned around the burden you gave me—I decided to learn from it. As I watched the people around me become happy as I grew up, I decided I can move on---even without you physically by my side.

I realized that I could still love you, even if you're in a far away place now. I know that you're still watching over me, with that smug look on your face, waiting for a chance to call me an idiot.

I understand now what you meant with your last words.

You know what Natsume, the way I truly love you now is definitely greater than falling in love with you. You made me into a better person. I never felt this much happiness since I lost you.

I learned how to be patient and wait—until the time we can be together again.

Are you thinking about me from where you are?

I know you're not thinking about me because you already know what I'm doing.

Don't be lonely, Natsume. We'll be together soon. I can't wait to see you smile again.

I'll always love you. I always did—and that is something greater than ever falling in love.

Hey Natsume, wait for me okay?

Wait for me.

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**The End.**

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**End Notes: **(puts up angry Natsume fans barricade) Um…hope this doesn't suck so much. Again, this is a rushed ficlet---just came out of the blue. Hope you guys aren't mad at the tragic ending. Love you lots! Please review!


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